Eat this...

Roast beet and cauliflower soup with apple-onion chutney

2012-01-31T13:48:00.002-05:00

This is my latest soup creation and it is divine. The colour is beautiful and the chard balances out the creaminess of the soup. For the sake of timing I recommend starting the chutney before you start the soup, then the chutney can stew while the vegetables are being chopped and roasted. I like eating this with a grilled cheese sandwich made with aged cheddar, apple-onion chutney and sliced apples.

Serves 6-8

Ingredients:

1 medium to large beet, peeled and cubed.
1 head of cauliflower, chopped into medium chunks.
1 medium carrot, thickly sliced.
5 whole cloves of garlic, peeled.
Olive oil
Salt and pepper
1/2 tsp of salt.
1/4 tsp. curry powder.
6-7 cups of water.
2 Tbsp. of apple onion chutney.
3 large leaves of chopped chard or beet greens, stems removed.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
Place beet, cauliflower, carrot and garlic in large bowl, drizzle on olive oil and toss to coat, add a pinch of salt and a couple grinds of pepper and toss again.
Spread on a baking sheet and bake for 30-40 minutes or until tender.
Place roasted vegetables in a large soup pot with curry powder and 1/2 tsp of salt, cover with water and bring to a boil, reduce heat and cover, simmer for about 10 minutes.
Add chutney and puree until very smooth.
Add chopped chard, cover and simmer for about 5 minutes until the chard is wilted.

Enjoy!

Apple-onion chutney

2012-01-31T13:44:00.007-05:00

This is fantastic on grill cheese with aged cheddar and I imagine that if you ate pork it would be good with that too.

Ingredients:

1 Large empire apple (or any good baking apple), peeled and chopped into small chunks.
1 Small yellow onion, very finely chopped.
1 Tbsp. olive oil
3 Tbsp of apple cider vinegar.
1/8 tsp. of allspice.
Pinch of salt.

Directions:

Using a small saucepan, heat oil over medium-low heat.
Add onion and sautee until they begin to brown.
Add the rest of the ingredients, turn heat down to low and cover, simmer until apple begins to fall apart (about 20-30 minutes).

Grilled brussel sprout and cauliflower soup

2011-06-07T21:02:00.001-04:00

Summer is here and it's time to get creative with the barbecue. So today I whipped this up and it was sooo yummy. Very simple and very satisfying, A great way to ease yourself or someone else into enjoying brussel sprouts.

Ingredients:

Approximately 15 brussel sprouts, trimmed and halved.
Half a head of cauliflower, chopped into medium chunks
A handful of baby potatoes (I used about 5), chopped into smallish chunks.
4 or 5 cloves of garlic, peeled.
1 small onion sliced into rings with the rings separated.
Olive oil
A dash of smoked sea salt.
A generous dash of fresh ground black pepper.
Enough vegetable broth to cover by about an inch.

Directions:

Place a vegetable grilling rack on the grill and heat on a medium flame.
Put brussel sprouts, cauliflower, potatoes, and garlic in a large bowl
Drizzle some olive oil on the veggies and toss to coat.
Add the salt and pepper and toss again.
When grill is hot, spread veggies on the grilling rack and close the lid, it should take not much more than 5 minutes to cook the veg so don’t get too distracted!
While the veggies are grilling toss the onions in some olive oil to prepare them for grilling.
When the veggies are starting to look nice and a little black on the edges remove them with a grilling spatula and put them back in the bowl.
Place the onions on the grilling rack and grill them, stirring and flipping them frequently until they are soft and beginning to brown.
Put everything in a medium pot with the broth.
Bring to a boil and then cover and reduce heat to simmer for about 10 minutes.
Turn of the heat and puree using either a hand mixer or a blender. If you are using a blender or food processor you will need to let it cool a bit to avoid cracking the plastic of the bowl.

Serving suggestion:

Cut a few slices of your favourite herbed artisanal bread (I used chive flower and leek potato bread) or a nice baguette, brush with olive oil on both sides and grill.

When you flip it you can add some shredded parmesan or cheddar and let it melt while the other side grills. You might also want to use a flavoured oil for brushing (like garlic or basil oil).

Alternatively you could serve it with the grilled bruschetta

Massaged Kale salad

2011-03-04T20:17:00.001-05:00

Okay this one is so simple and sooooo good. Insanely good for you too. I was thinking it might also be good with some marinated grilled tofu or tempeh on top.

Ingredients:

One bunch of kale (curly or lacinato, your choice), with stems removed and chopped up.
One red beet, peeled and julienned
One or two carrots, julienned
1/4 to 1/2 a cup of pumpkin seeds
Olive oil
Cider vinegar

Directions:

Rinse kale and pat dry or spin in lettuce spinner.
Place kale in salad bowl with just enough olive oil to coat and massage with your hands for a few minutes. You'll know you're done when you can eat a piece and it isn't tough.
Add the carrots and beets and pumpkin seeds and a little more olive oil, toss to coat.
Add a splash of vinegar and toss, adjust vinegar to taste.

This will keep in the fridge for 2-3 days, it's also great for a potluck or buffet style meal because, unlike lettuce, the kale doesn't wilt.

My take on baked beans for the slow cooker

2011-03-01T14:03:00.000-05:00

Adapted from Judith Finlayson's Cider baked beans in "125 Best Vegetarian Slow Cooker Recipes". I've made it less sweet and more spicy.

I love these beans. I usually find baked beans too sweet but these are perfect. They're so good on toast and a perfect veg breakfast after a workout.

Ingredients:

1-2 cups dried beans soaked overnight then drained and rinsed (pinto are good, I used a heritage variety called dutch bullets)
2 onions, finely chopped
2 cloves of garlic, minced
2 tsp of chili powder
1 tsp of salt
2 tsp of cracked black peppercorns (use a mortar and pestle, not a grinder)
4 whole cloves
1 2-inch piece of cinnamon stick
1/2 a cup of apple cider (you can use apple juice too but then I add tsp of cider vinegar)
1 1/2 cups of water
2 Tbsp of maple syrup

Directions:

Heat some oil over medium heat and saute onions until yellow, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and saute for another minute.
Put all ingredients in a 4 qt slow cooker and cook on low for 10-12 hours.
Don't forget to fish out the cinnamon stick when they're done!

Mushroom sweet potato gratin

2011-01-16T21:10:00.002-05:00

This is great on a cold winter day with a crusty whole grain bread and a nice green salad. This casserole is the ultimate in comfort food but it's not quick. It uses a duxelle to give it a rich mushroomy flavour.

Make it when you can take your time and focus because you do have to balance a few different things at a time. If you'd rather a longer cooking time in favour of cutting out some prep you can forego pre-steaming the sweet potato. If you do this you will want to bake it for longer, covering it for the first 15 minutes to help steam the sweet potato.

Serves 4-6

Preheat oven to 375 F

Ingredients:

1 medium sweet potato, peeled, diced and steamed until just tender but not mushy.
1/2 bunch of kale (lacinato if available), washed, stalks removed and chopped.**
3/4c French Lentils
1/2 lb Cremini mushrooms
1 Tbsp olive oil
4 Tbsp of unsalted butter
1 tsp of dried thyme leaves*
1/2 tsp of dried marjoram*
1 shallot, finely chopped
2 cloves of garlic, minced
2 Tbsp of all purpose flour
1 cup of vegetable broth
1 cup grated Zurigo (if you can find it) cheese. If you can't find Zurigo you could use Raclette or Niagara Gold. These are cheeses you'll have to get from a real cheese shop but it's worth it for the flavour.

Directions:

Stem mushrooms and pulverize in food processor. You want them to be as finely pureed as you can get them. (if you're steaming the sweet potato you can do it while you're prepping the mushrooms)
Wrap them in some cheese cloth and squeeze as much juice as possible into a bowl and set it aside.
Place mushrooms from the cheese cloth in a bowl and set aside.
Spread the sweet potato on the bottom of an 8"x8" (2 qt) baking dish and spread the chopped kale over top.
Place lentils in a small pot with enough water to cover by a couple of inches. Bring to a boil and simmer with the lid on for approximately 25 minutes until tender but not mushy.
In the meantime, heat the oil and butter over medium heat until butter is melted, add shallot, thyme and marjoram, saute until shallots are translucent.
Add the garlic and the mushrooms (don't add the juice yet) and saute, stirring frequently, for about 2 minutes until the mushrooms become nice and fragrant (congratulations you just made duxelle).
Add the flour and stir for 2 minutes.
Add the mushroom juice and wisk until it is well blended and a little thick.
Whisk in the broth and let it reduce down a little to make a nice sauce.
Add salt and pepper to tast.
Mix in the lentils and pour the mixture over the vegetables in the baking dish.
Top with grated cheese.
Bake uncovered for 15 minutes.

*If you want to use fresh herbs you will need more, approximately 1 Tbsp fresh for 1 tsp dried (things shrink when they dry). Also, when using fresh herbs add them closer to the end.

**To chop kale stack the leaves on top of each other, roll them up like a cigar and slice cross-wise. This gives you thin strips which you can then chop down further if you like.

Sweet potato and kale rice bowl

2010-09-19T19:52:00.003-04:00

I've been trying to branch out a bit beyond the soups lately and I recently through this together and I absolutely love it. It's simple and hearty and very healthy. The bright green and yellow of the kale and sweet potato looks so great especially with the red rice.

Ingredients:

1 cup dry red cargo rice*
2 1/4 cups water or broth.
1 large sweet potato, peeled and diced.
1 bunch curly kale washed with the stems cut off and chopped.
1 small onion, diced.
5 cloves of garlic, minced.
1 cup dried black beans, pre-soaked and cooked or 1 19oz can, rinsed thoroughly.
1/2 can diced tomatoes.
1 very generous dash (okay, probably like three dashes) cumin.
1 very generous dash (same deal) chipotle chilli powder.

Directions:

Before you even start chopping, place rice and water/broth in rice cooker and turn on. This can take a while to cook so you might even want to turn it on 5-10 minutes before you start your prep depending on how quickly you chop.
Before you chop anything else chop and start to steam sweet potato using your preferred method (I use a bamboo steamer over a wok with some water). It's important for this recipe to steam and not boil to ensure that the sweet potato does not get mushy or lose its colour.
While sweet potato is steaming, heat oil in large saute pan over medium heat and saute onions until soft and translucent.
Add garlic and saute for another 30 seconds.
Check on the sweet potatoes. When they are done, transfer them to a large bowl and put kale on to steam.
Add black beans and spices to garlic and onions, stir to coat and cook until beans are heated through.
Add tomatoes and stir to coat, taste and adjust spices as desired.
Once kale is cooked add both kale and sweet potatoes to the pan, stir to coat.
Spoon rice into bowls and serve the veg and beans on top of the rice and enjoy!

Serves approximately six.

*If you follow the link there are instructions for cooking the rice on stove top. I've never done it because I just use the rice cooker. Everything I've read says that you should soak whole grain rice for quite a while before you cook it but I have to admit that I never do it.

Southwest casserole with cheesy polenta crust

2010-09-16T21:59:00.000-04:00

I'm always wishing I had more casserole recipes so I was really excited when I threw this together and it came out so well. It's spicy and full of vegetables and the polenta crust really rounds it out. This recipe is enough to make two casseroles but I like to make one casserole and save the rest of the filling to make a soup. If you do this you can either make half the polenta or make the whole amount and save half of it to make grilled polenta wedges to go with the soup. This is great if you know there's going to be a night when you have no time to make supper.

Preheat oven to 375 F
Grease 2 (or one if you're going to make the soup) 8" x 8" or 2 Qt. casserole dishes.
Ingredients:

Filling

1 Tbsp olive oil
1 medium onion, finely chopped
4-6 cloves of garlic, minced
1 head of broccoli, chopped into florets. Peel the stem and slice it up.
1 orange or yellow pepper
1 zucchini (if you can get the yellow zuchini I recommend it)
1 can of diced tomatoes with the juice drained (if you're going to make the soup reserve the juices)
1 cup of dried white beans, pre-soaked and cooked or 1 can.
1 dash chipotle chilli powder (or to taste)
1 dash of cumin

Polenta crust

2 510g packages or ready made organic polenta

1 cup yellow cornmeal
4 1/2 cups vegetable broth
1/4 cup grated parmesan
1/2 cup grated sharp cheddar

Directions:

Polenta

In a saucepan over medium heat, bring broth to a boil. Gradually stir in cornmeal in a steady stream. Cook, stirring constantly until smooth and blended and mixture bubbles like lava, about 5 minutes.
Reduce heat to low. Continue cooking, stirring frequently for about 30 minutes until the grains are tender and creamy and the polenta pulls away from the sides of the pot.
Add the parmesan and thoroughly mix it in.
Set cover and set aside until it's time to assemble the casserole.

Filling

In the mean time, heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the onions and saute for 5 minutes until soft and translucent.
Add garlic and saute for about 30 seconds more.
Add orange pepper, zucchini and broccoli with a Tbsp of the tomato juice, cover and simmer 2 to 3 minutes until broccoli is bright green but still a bit crunchy.
Add the beans, tomatoes and spices, mix in thoroughly and simmer for 5-10 minutes until flavours are blended and the mixture is heated through.

Assembly:

Spread vegetable mixture in the casseroles, spoon polenta on top and spread around covering the whole dish and sprinkle cheddar over the top of the polenta.
Place on middle rack, switch oven to the broiler setting and broil the casseroles until the cheese is melted and the polenta starts to slightly brown.
Remove from oven, let sit for a few minutes and enjoy!

If you want to make the soup another day, save half of the vegetable mixture and the reserved tomato juice and only make one casserole, saving half of the polenta for wedges.

To make the soup, put the remaining veg mix and tomato juice into a saucepan over medium heat, add enough vegetable broth to get the degree of "brothyness" you prefer. I also like to add some fresh grilled corn but you could also just through in some frozen corn (about 1/2 cup). Heat until it begins to bubble, serve and enjoy.

Bruschetta

2010-09-16T15:18:00.000-04:00

I have always loved bruschetta but for some reason I only recently started making my own. This is simple (although the tomatoes take a little time) and so divine. It's also good if you put a little chevre on the bread before you pile on the tomatoes. I've written quantities here but you should adjust them however you like, tasting as you go.

Ingredients:

Topping

6-8 fresh roma (or plum) tomatoes.
A very generous dash of olive oil
1-2 cloves of garlic minced
1 good handful of fresh basil leaves, chopped*
1 pinch of salt
1 pinch of freshly ground pepper

Bread

1 fresh, good quality baguette (I usually use a whole grain one but it's up to you)
Olive oil for brushing.

Directions:

Topping

Bring a large pot of water to a boil, drop whole tomatoes in water and boil for a minute or two, just until the skin starts to crack and peel away.
Using tongs or a slotted spoon, remove tomatoes and carefully remove skins. You may want to let them cool for a few minutes first.
Using a small knife, core tomatoes.
Cut tomatoes in half lengthwise and scoop out all of the seeds and juice (I use a grapefruit spoon but a regular spoon works too).
Dice tomatoes (it's up to you how big you want the tomato chunks).
Place in a bowl and toss with remaining ingredients.

Bread

Preheat grill (medium) or oven (375 degrees F)
Slice baguette on a 45 degree angle,
Brush both sides of each slice with olive oil.
If using grill, grill slices until they have light grill marks on both sides.
If using oven, lay slices out on a baking sheet and toast until the bottom side is golden with a little brown around the edges.

Assembly

Pile topping onto the toasts and try to remember to share!

Creamy Tomato Vegetable Soup

2010-09-16T15:02:00.011-04:00

I made this soup after I had something similar at the AGO cafe and I love it. The important thing to remember is, don't skimp on the pepper! This is really great with some homemade bruschetta or a grilled cheese sandwich.

Ingredients:

1 red bell pepper
1-2 Tbsp olive oil
1 small onion, finely chopped
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 large carrot, diced
1/4 cup fresh fennel, slice the part that looks like celery
Vegetable broth or water to cover
1 can crushed tomatoes
1 cup of cream
1 tsp freshly ground pepper
Grated fresh Parmesan to garnish

Directions:

To roast the red pepper using a barbecue, brush whole pepper with oil, fire up a medium heat grill and grill pepper until all sides are black and skin is peeling away. Place pepper in tightly wrapped paper bag for 5 minutes, remove from bag, remove peel, remove stem, seeds and white bits and chop pepper into chunks. If you're not using a grill follow these instructions. You can buy bottled roasted peppers but it's not the same as doing it at home.
Heat olive oil on medium heat in a large saucepan.
Saute onions for about 2 minutes
Add carrots and fennel and saute for another 3 minutes until carrots are just tender and onions are translucent.
Add garlic and saute for another minute.
Add water/broth, canned tomatoes, roasted pepper and ground black pepper and bring to a boil.
Reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes to let flavours blend.
Remove from heat and puree until smooth using a hand blender or food processor.
Stir in cream, taste and add salt and pepper if desired.

If you try it I'd love to hear your feedback!

Smoky chipotle cauli-potato soup with cheddar

2010-08-26T19:43:00.000-04:00

This is a great smoky spicy soup and the cheddar give it just the sharpness it needs to balance the sweetness of the sweet potato. We had it with a nice crusty whole grain bread and some lovely smoked cheddar.

Ingredients:

1 Tbsp. olive oil
1 medium onion, diced
3 cloves
1/2 head of cauliflower
1 sweet potato
8 fingerling potatoes in thin slices
Approximately 5 cups of vegetable broth
1 tsp. finely chopped chipotle in adobo sauce
1/2 tsp. salt (or to taste)
Pepper to taste
Grated extra old cheddar for garnish

Directions:

Heat olive oil in large saucepan on medium heat, add onion and saute for about 5 minutes.
Add garlic and saute for 30 seconds.
Add broth and vegetables. Add water if necessary to cover vegetables.
Bring to a boil, cover and reduce heat. Simmer until vegetables are very tender.
Add chipotle, salt and pepper and puree with a hand blender.
Ladle into bowls and sprinkle cheddar on top, serve right away.

Lovely (easy) garlicky soup

2010-04-01T19:44:00.002-04:00

I just whipped this up and it's sooo yummy. Be sure to use lots of pepper to give it a little extra kick. This would be great with a nice crusty whole grain bread and some good cheddar.

Serves approximately 6

Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit

Ingredients:

Half a head of cauliflower, chopped into chunks
About a dozen baby or fingerling potatoes, sliced into 1/2 inch slices
1 medium sweet potato, chopped into large(ish) chunks
Olive oil
7 large cloves of garlic, peeled and whole
1/4 cup parsley, chopped
1/2 bunch kale, chopped
Vegetable broth or water (enough to cover veg by about 1/2 inch)
1 cup (approx) milk
1/2-1 tsp ground black pepper (to taste)
Salt to taste

Directions:

Put chopped potatoes, sweet potatoes, garlic and cauliflower in a large bowl, generously drizzle with olive oil, add a couple of pinches of salt and toss to coat.
Spread the mixture on a cookie sheet and roast for about 25 minutes until veg are nice and tender.
Put roasted veggies into a large pot, add broth or water and bring to a boil
Add kale, parsley and some more salt (I used 2 or 3 pinches), cover and reduce heat.
Simmer until kale is tender.
Turn of heat and puree with a hand blender (or use a blender or food processor, processing it in batches).
Add pepper and milk while you puree.
Use enough milk to get it to the consistency you like.
Taste and add more salt or pepper if you so desire.
Serve and enjoy!

I'd love to hear what you think, especially if you made any adjustments!

Golden beet and sweet potato soup

2010-03-27T20:22:00.003-04:00

I improvised this tonight and it turned out really well. It's another venture into making a soup as yummy and nutritionally dense as possible. It's very hearty and doesn't need too much with it. I just chased it with a couple pieces of cranberry pumpkin seed toast with homemade cinnamon butter and I'm very happily full. Another option is a few fresh from the polish deli pierogies.

Serves 6-8, good for freezing.

Ingredients:

1 Tbsp olive oil
2 small or 1 large onion, chopped
3 large or 4 medium cloves of garlic, minced
1 large or two small sweet potatoes, peeled and grated
2 medium golden beets, peeled and grated
2 small carrots, grated
1/2 bunch of curly kale, stems removed and finely chopped
1/2 cup of flat parsley, finely chopped
Approximately 6-8 cups of water or vegetable broth
1/2 cup pre-soaked and cooked chickpeas or one 15 oz can
1/4 tsp smoked paprika
2 bay leaves
Pinch of celery seed
Ground pepper to taste
1 tsp sea salt (or to taste)
1-2 tsp of fig balsamic vinegar (to taste)

Directions:

Heat olive oil on medium heat in a large soup pot
Sautee onions until they begin to brown
Add garlic and sautee for 30 seconds, stirring until garlic is fragrant
Add sweet potato, beets, carrots, water/broth and bay leaves, cover and reduce heat to medium-low, simmer until vegetable begin to get tender, try to keep bay leaves on top so they'll be easy to remove later.
Add parsley and kale, cover and simmer until kale is tender and root vegetables are soft
Remove bay leaves, add chickpeas and puree with a hand blender until very smooth
Add the rest of the seasonings and let simmer uncovered on low for 10 minutes to let flavours blend.
Enjoy!

Coconut curry sweet cauli soup

2010-02-23T08:31:00.003-05:00

This one is pretty quick because the veg are chopped/grated finely so that they cook faster. I whipped it up as I was racing to get out the door for a vet appointment and I've fallen in love with it. It's smooth, spicy and sweet and the perfect thing when the snow's coming down.

Makes a large pot and leaves lots of leftovers.
Tip: freeze half of it to keep on hand for when you're really in a rush.

Ingredients:

1 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 large onion, chopped
1 tsp salt
3 cloves garlic, chopped
1 head cauliflower, finely chopped (I used the food processor)
1 large sweet potato, grated (food processor again)
1 apple, peeled and chopped (I used an Empire apple)
5 cups of water or vegetable broth (or enough to cover the vegetables)
2 tsp curry powder (quality really makes a difference here)
2-3 Tbsp coconut milk (or to taste)

Directions:

In a large pot or dutch oven heat oil on medium heat, add onions and salt, sautee for 5 minutes until onions are golden and soft.
Add garlic and sautee for 30 seconds.
Add all the remaining ingredients EXCEPT for the coconut milk.
Bring to a boil, cover and reduce heat.
Simmer until vegetables are very tender.
Puree using a hand blender (if using a food processor or blender puree it in batches).
Add coconut milk, mix and adjust seasonings to taste.
Enjoy!

Cookies and cake oh my!

2010-02-01T19:45:00.003-05:00

Alright so here we go with my first baked recipes. First, my well-loved Supermom cookies, next my Nana's famed depression era Wacky Cake (which is vegan to boot).

Supermom Cookies (decidedly not vegan)
(makes about 3 dozen cookies)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees (F)
Prepare cookie sheets with parchment paper or silicone baking sheet.

In a large bowl, measure:
1/2 c brown sugar
1/2 c white sugar

With a hand mixer, cream with the sugar:
1/2 to 3/4 c butter (the more butter the chewier the cookie).

In the same bowl, combine and beat until smooth:
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
1 Tbsp. milk

In a separate bowl mix:
1c whole wheat or whole spelt flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 t salt
2-3 tsp. of cinnamon
1-2 Tbsp. Teff (this is optional but it adds a nice nutritional boost, find it in most health food stores)

Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients and beat until smooth with hand mixer.

Add:
1 c large flake oats
3/4 c semisweet chocolate chips
handful of dried cranberries
handful of pumpkin seeds
A little less than 1/4 c of grated unsweetened coconut

Mix again with hand mixer and drop onto prepared cookie sheets about 2" apart.
Bake 11-15 minutes until light brown.

Wacky Cake (happily vegan)

Preheat oven to 350 F.

Ingredients:

1 1/2 c unbleached flour
1 c sugar
1/2 tsp. salt
3 Tbsp. cocoa
1 tsp. baking soda
1 Tbsp. white vinegar (I said it was wacky!)
6 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c cold water

Directions:

Stir ingredients until well mixed and bake about 25 minutes in an ungreased 8"x8" square or 9" round cake pan.

Curried Squash soup

2010-02-01T19:23:00.003-05:00

No I haven't abandoned the kitchen I've just been neglecting this blog so I will try to make up for it now.

Ingredients:

1 Tbsp. olive oil.
1 medium onion, finely chopped.
3 cloves of garlic, crushed.
1-1 1/2 inches of ginger, minced (1-1 1/2 Tblsp).
1 large butternut squash, peeled and diced.
1 large sweet potato or 2 large carrots, diced.
2 tsp. good quality curry powder (if you can find it I recommend Arvindas masala curry).
enough vegetable broth to cover vegetables.

Directions:

Heat oil in a large pot and saute onion and carrot (if using) for 5-10 minutes until carrots are just tender.
Add garlic and ginger and saute for 1-2 minutes.
Add the rest of the ingredients, bring to a boil, cover and reduce heat.
Simmer until vegetables are very tender.
Puree using a hand blender or blend in batches in a blender or food processor.
If the soup is still thick add some more broth or water until it reaches the desired consistency.

I love this soup and so does my daughter. Served with a grill cheese sandwich it's a perfect meal for a cold winter night.

My take on vegetarian shepherd's pie

2009-09-21T21:39:00.003-04:00

Tonight's supper started with me emptying my crisper and staring blankly at the contents. Eventually I got inspired to create my own take on a vegetarian shepherd's pie, with a twist (or two). This is not a fast recipe, I think it took me between 1 1/2 and 2 hours but it was definitely worth it and of course you could speed things up by preparing the crusts ahead of time.

It's tasty and hearty, full of a good mix of whole grains, orange and green vegetables and some mineral and protein packed mushrooms. Of course if your vegan you can substitute margarine for the butter and soy milk for the milk or if you choose you could leave them out all together and use a little veggie broth instead of the milk in the potatoes. This would probably be even better if you roasted some garlic and blended it into the potatoes for the top crust. You could also add some cheese (old cheddar or smoked gouda maybe?) to the white potatoes if you wanted.

I served it with a salad of sliced cucumbers and sweet yellow cherry tomatoes in a cranberry orange vinaigrette.

Serves approximately 6 people.

Ingredients:

Bottom crust:
1 very large or two medium sweet potatoes, peeled and diced.
1 Tbsp. butter.
Dash of cumin.

Top crust:
1 large white potato, peeled and diced.
1/4 cup milk.
1 Tbsp. butter.
1/2 tsp. salt
Freshly ground pepper to taste.

Filling:
2 Tbsp. olive oil.
1 medium onion, chopped.
1 large carrot, chopped.
1 rib of celery chopped.
1 large portobello mushroom, diced (1/2 inch).
5-6 cloves of garlic, minced.
2/3 c red cargo rice (you can use brown if you can find red).
1 1/2 c vegetable broth.
1 generous handful dried wood ear mushrooms (optional).
1/2 a bunch of kale, rinsed and chopped with tough stems removed.
1 tsp. cumin.
1/4 tsp. smoked paprika.
Dash of cayenne.
Fresh ground pepper to taste.

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375 (Fahrenheit) and grease a 2 qt. baking dish with olive oil.

Top and bottom crusts

Put two pots of water to boil on the stove.
When water is boiling, put sweet potatoes in one and white potatoes in the other.
When they are soft, strain and mash them separately (either with a potato masher or with a food processor).
To the sweet potatoes add and mix in butter, cumin and smoked paprika.
To the white potatoes add and mix in butter, milk, salt and pepper and 1/4 c of the sweet potato mixture.
Set both aside.

Filling

Heat oil on medium heat in large skillet.
Add onions, carrots and celery.
Cook, stirring occasionally until vegetable are just tender (about 5 min.).
Add portobello mushrooms and cook for another 2-3 minutes.
Add garlic and cook, stirring for about 1 minute.
Add rice, mix until rice is just coated with oil and cook for 1 minute.
Add broth and dried mushrooms (if using).
Stir, bring to a boil, cover and simmer until rice is tender (about 25 minutes).
Add seasonings and kale and mix in, if all the water has been absorbed you can add a little bit more water at this point.
Cover and cook until kale is bright green and tender (about 5 min.).
Taste and adjust seasonings if desired.

Assembly

While rice is cooking spread sweet potatoes evenly across the bottom of the greased baking dish and place in preheated oven.
When filling is ready, remove baking dish from oven and spread filling over the sweet potatoes (you may be left with some extra, save it and have it for lunch tomorrow!).
Spread white potato over the filling and sprinkle with a dash of smoked paprika.
Set oven to broil and place baking dish in oven, cook for 5-10 minutes until the top becomes nice and browned.
Serve and enjoy!

Luscious Root Vegetable soup with Kale "croutons"

2009-09-14T20:39:00.006-04:00

My daughter will only eat pureed soups and as a result I've discovered the joy of a nice pureed vegetable soup. This one is absolutely gorgeous to look at with the sweet potatoes and beets it becomes this beautiful luscious red colour and when you put the kale on top it's just stunning. I was originally going to put the kale in the soup but I didn't want to spoil the colour so I made kale chips or "croutons" instead. It's fine if you have leftover "croutons" because they're also a really yummy snack packed withh all the goodness of kale.

Ingredients:

Soup

1-2 T olive oil.
2 medium carrots, diced.
1 rib of celery diced.
1 medium onion finely chopped.
5 cloves of garlic minced.
2 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and diced.
4 small beets (size of a small plum) or one large beet.
1 cup dried white kidney beans, pre-soaked and cooked or one can, thoroughly rinsed.
Water or vegetable broth to thoroughly cover all vegetables.
Small handful of dried mushrooms (any kind will do, I used wood ear)
Dash of cumin.
Salt and fresh ground pepper to taste.

Kale "croutons"

1/2 bunch kale, chopped with the tough stems removed.
salt
pepper

Directions

Heat oil on medium heat, add onions, carrots and celery.
Sautee uncovered for 2-3 minutes then cover and let cook until carrots are tender, about 5 minutes.
Add garlic and sautee for 30 seconds, stirring.
Add the rest of the ingredients.
Stir and bring to a boil, reduce heat and simmer until all the vegetables are very tender and mushrooms are totally rehydrated.
Remove from heat and puree either with a hand blender or in batches in a blender or food processor.
Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 350 (Fahrenheit), spread chopped kale on a lightly oiled baking sheet, lightly spray with oil (I use a pump oil sprayer) and lightly sprinkle salt and grind pepper over the kale.
Toast the kale in the oven for about 12 minutes or until it is all light and crispy.
Ladle the soup into bowls and garnish with kale.

Serves 6-8

Mmmmmore sweet potatoes

2009-08-31T13:44:00.003-04:00

Having already waxed poetic on the virtues of sweet potatoes I offer another simple recipe to bring this luscious tuber into your life. This is really easy and pretty fast especially if you prepare the sweet potatoes ahead of time. If you have a baby or toddler you could make some extra sweet potatoes for spoon feeding. Last time I had some leftover and I used it to improve a squash soup I had in the fridge. It seems like a lot of steps but it's really pretty fast and easy.

Sweet Potato and Black Bean Burritos

Ingredients:

3-4 cups of water.
One medium to large sweet potato, peeled and chopped.
A pinch of cinnamon.
1/2 tsp. butter.
1 Tbsp. olive oil.
4 cloves of garlic, pressed or minced.
One can of canned black beans, drained and rinsed or one cup of dried black beans soaked, cooked and drained.
A generous dash of cumin, to taste.
A dash of chipotle chilli powder, to taste.
1-1 1/2 cups grated old cheddar cheese.
5 10" whole grain tortillas.

Directions:

Sweet potatoes

In a medium sauce pan bring water to a boil, add sweet potatoes and cook until they are quite tender.
Drain sweet potatoes and place in food processor (if you don't have one return them to the pot and mash them with a potato masher). Puree them until they are very smooth.
Add cinnamon and butter and mix with food processor or wooden spoon. Set aside.

Black beans

Meanwhile, heat the oil in a medium pan on medium heat. Add the garlic and saute until fragrant (about 1 minute).
Add the beans, cumin and chipotle chilli powder. Mix, taste and adjust spices if necessary.
Cook until heated through (about 5 minutes).
Put beans in a bowl and mash with a potato masher.

Assembly

In a dry skillet over high heat place one tortilla in the pan for a few seconds, flip and heat for another couple seconds and place on work surface (this softens the tortilla up so that it doesn't break when you try to wrap the burrito).
Sprinkle one fifth of the cheese in middle of tortilla.
Put on fifth of beans on top of cheese.
Spread 2-3 Tbsp of sweet potatoes over beans.
Fold in sides and roll up the burrito, set aside on a plate.
Repeat this for each burrito.
Either on a dry skillet on medium high heat or on a medium flame on the grill, place the burritos crease side down. When it is lightly grill marked or browned flip and cook until other side is lightly browned.

Serve and enjoy!

Veggie Chilli

2009-08-22T19:57:00.009-04:00

It's times like these my commitment to real food is tested. A couple days ago I decided to start a new habit and I got up at 6:30 to do some yoga. Now the tape is only 2o minutes and I've done it a million times before but apparently it's been a little too long since the last time because I put my back out. That night I decided to try a new recipe for chilli potato soup but I drastically underestimated how long it would take to chop all the chillis and how much it would hurt to stand at the counter chopping. I pulled up a chair and knelt on it at the counter just so I could shift my position a little, I was a total wreck. So, yesterday I dug out frozen veggie burgers and tonight my lovely husband volunteered to do all of the chopping for the chilli. Of course there's no reason you should have to incapacitate yourself to get help from family and friends in the kitchen, if schedules allow, cooking together is another great way to build and enrich relationships or get to know each other (it's also a great way to find out how much of a control freak someone is).

Vegetarian Chilli
This can be done on the stove top or in a slow-cooker. It's great either way but it's especially good in the slow-cooker because the flavours have lots of time to blend. These are the vegetables I like in it but you could put anything you want in but the portabello is really nice for texture and extra protein and minerals. I also like to cut up some avocado on the side and use it as a garnish.

Ingredients:

1 T of olive oil.
1 medium yellow onion chopped (you can use the food processor).
3 medium or two large carrots sliced (if the carrot is fat cut in half lengthwise and then slice it).
2 stalks of celery sliced.
1 green bell pepper diced.
1 large or two medium portabello mushrooms cubed (about 1/2" cubes).
4 cloves of garlic minced or pressed.
1 large or two small zucchini sliced (or any summer squash).
2 cups dried beans (I like to use half kidney and half black-eyed peas but you could go all kidney too) pre-soaked and cooked* or 2 cans canned beans thoroughly rinsed.
2 cans of unsalted canned tomatoes, loosely chopped in food processor (if you don't have a food processor use diced tomatoes).
Generous dash of chilli pepper (adjust to taste).
Pinch of chipotle chilli pepper (optional).
Dash of ground cumin (if your using the slow-cooker use whole cumin and toast for a few seconds in a dry skillet then crush with a mortar and pestle).
Dash of dried oregano.
Pinch of salt.
Fresh ground pepper to taste.

Directions:

Heat oil in a large stockpot or a dutch oven on medium heat.
Add onions, carrots and celery. Cover and cook for about 5 minutes until vegetables are just tender.
Add peppers, mushrooms, garlic and zucchini. Stir and cook for another 5 minutes or so until all the vegetable are nice and tender.
Add beans, tomatoes and seasonings and stir.
Bring to a boil then reduce heat to low and let simmer for at least 10 minutes (you can simmer for up to 30 minutes).
Taste and adjust seasonings to taste.
Serve with a little bit of grated cheddar or monterey jack as garnish.

Variations: Since I first posted this I have discovered the joy of adding chocolate to chilli. The simplest thing to do is to add a few squares (I use about 4 small squares) of good quality dark (I use 55%) chocolate once everything is boiling. I've also been known to use Cocoa Caminho's spiced hot chocolate powder which is also quite yummy.

*Tip: I only recommend dried beans if you're using all kidney beans as different beans have different cooking times. If you're organized enough to plan the night ahead you can use the slow-cooker to cook them.

What is scratch?

2009-08-21T13:39:00.003-04:00

So after several years of trying to get a handle on my relationship with food and trying to figure out what "healthy eating" really means I have come to a point where I've decided that the most important factor in determining what I eat is the degree to which it has been processed. So much is done to processed foods, even the simplest thing seems to have all of these extraneous ingredients that these foods are at best a cheap imitation of the real thing and at worst have no redeeming value whatsoever. More and more I find myself saying, "There's no food in that food!"

So I have committed to making as much from scratch as I feel able to. So I've cut out bottled pasta and pizza sauces, I've cut out most soy products (no more veggie breakfast sausage for me) and when I do buy some kind of prepared food (crackers, flavoured yoghurt, cereal) I scan the ingredients for things like soy lecithin and glucose/fructose. I strive to use dried beans but I admit that I rarely remember to soak them and so keep a steady supply of canned beans on hand. I make pasta and pizza sauce from scratch but I don't stew the tomatoes myself. So I'm not perfect at the "real food" thing but I think I'm doing pretty damn well.

According to Michael Pollan American's spend only 27 minutes a day in food preparation. This is stunning to me. I spend an average of an hour and a half on supper alone. Breakfast is 10-15 minutes, lunch is 15-20 minutes and none of this even includes the time I spend on breakfast lunch and snacks for my kid. We're not just losing nutritionally when we live this way, we're losing a sense of connection with food and where it comes from, our bodies real needs (no body needs white flour or high fructose corn syrup) and our families. In every culture food brings people together, cooking a good meal is rewarding and gives you a sense of accomplishment and gratification that only comes from making something real and tangible. When you engage with your food, not just by cooking but by buying it, where possible, from the producer, the whole thing becomes a bit of an adventure.

Some of the best meals start with asking a farmer at the market, "what do you do with this?"

Mmmm sweet potatoes

2009-08-18T13:36:00.007-04:00

So I've become completely enamoured of sweet potatoes and I have two recipes to offer. The trick of course as with many of my recipes is that I do not have set amounts for the spices because I just do it to taste.

Another great reason to fall in love with sweet potatoes is their outstanding ratings on nutrition. They're considered a super food with high fibre and a low glycemic index. For more information on the health value of my favourite tuber check out this link.

One disclaimer: If you're doing all your cooking from scratch your definition of quick is a little different. When I say something is quick that means it's one hour or less. However if you want to speed up your cooking time you just need to be organized and take some time earlier in the day or the night before to chop some things. I don't, however, recommend chopping certain things (white potatoes, apples, pears etc) ahead of time because they will oxidize and turn brown.

Roasted thin-cut sweet potatoes

*this is best if you have a food processor with a slicing attachment.
Preheat oven to 400 F

Ingredients:

2-3 sweet potatoes, scrubbed and thinly sliced (preferably with food processor).
Enough olive oil to lightly coat.
Cajun spice mix (don't go overboard unless you like them really spicy).

Directions:

Toss sliced sweet potatoes with oil and cajun spicing and spread across two cookie sheets.
Roast for approximately 20 minutes until they are soft and some of them are brown and crispy.

This is great with the veggies and beans recipe from my last post. I love them so much that I often finish off the whole batch as my late night snack. I also like to have this with soup instead of bread or a sandwich because I try not to eat too much flour (try to emphasize unprocessed grains like whole quinoa or brown rice).

Creamy sweet potato soup

This is easy and so tasty.

Ingredients:

1T olive oil.
1 small onion finely chopped.
3 cloves of garlic pressed or crushed.
2 medium carrots scrubbed and sliced.
3 sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed.
Water or Vegetable broth (enough to cover sweet potatoes).
Pinch of smoked paprika (to taste).
Pinch of cayenne pepper (to taste).
Salt and pepper to taste.
1/4 cup (approx) of 10% cream (optional).

Directions:

Heat oil in medium saucepan over medium heat.
Add onions and carrots and saute covered for 5 minutes until just tender
Add garlic and saute for 1 minute.
Add water/broth and sweet potatoes and bring to boil.
Reduce heat and cover, cook until vegetable are very tender.
Use a hand-blender or food processor to puree soup until it is very smooth.
Add spices and let cook on low for 5 more minutes.
Taste and adjust spices if desired.
Add cream, stir in and serve.

I made this one up when I needed something quick and easy one night and couldn't get enough of it. It's good with a sandwich or a nice hearty salad.

Three years later....

2009-08-16T21:31:00.006-04:00

Okay, so a lot of things have changed in the last three years, not the least of which is the birth of my now two and a half year old daughter. I still believe in the OO approach to overcoming the dieting and overeating mentality but at this point I'm focus my food thoughts on eating real (unprocessed) food, homemade from scratch as much as I can. I'm also trying to increase the proportion of organic and local food in my families diet. I read Michael Pollan's "In Defense of Food" and it really resonated with me so I'm trying to follow his advice: "Eat food, not too much, mostly plants." I guess I'm just trying to find the right blend and balance of the slow food movement, the local food movement and the organic food movement. For me the biggest emphasis is on the slow food.

I love to cook when I have the time to enjoy it without stressing about having a class or getting to an appointment or something. I love going to the farmers markets and getting inspired by the foods and by the farmers themselves. One of the best questions you can ask is, "What do I do with this?" So, in the name of my love of real food and my desire to share my cooking successes I will try to share my successful recipes on this blog and hope others enjoy them as much as my family and I do.

That being said, here's the first recipe to grace the pages of "Eat this...":

GRILLED VEGGIES AND BLACK BEANS ON COUS COUS

Ingredients:

One can of black beans (rinsed) or three cups of soaked and cooked dried black beans.
One large eggplant, peeled and sliced lengthwise to about a 1/2" thick.
One large zucchini sliced lenghtwise to about 1/2" thick.
One large red bell pepper cut in half and seeded.
One cup of whole wheat cous cous (you could also try it on quinoa or brown rice but I like the lightness of the couscous).
1/4 to 1/3 cup olive oil.
4 cloves garlic, pressed or minced.
chipotle chilli powder (to taste).
ground cumin (to tast).

You'll get the best results if you start the veggies first and then cook the beans and couscous when the veggies are close to done.

The veggies:

Prepare a medium fire on the gril.
Mix the oil with half of the garlic and a good dose of cumin and chipotle chillie powder.
Brush the seasoned oil on the cut vegetables.
Grill the vegetables until they are softened and have grill marks on both sides.
Coursely chop the grilled vegetables and mix together.

The beans:

Heat about a tablespoon of olive oil at medium heat in a skillet.
add remaining garlic including any left from the seasoned oil from the vegetables.
add cumin and chipotle chilli powder to taste and cook until heated through.

Couscous:

Bring 1 1/2 cups of water to a boil.
Add couscous, cover and remove from heat.
Let sit for a few minutes until all the water is absorbed and couscous is light and fluffy.
tip: for extra flavour you can use vegetable broth instead of water.

Assembly:

Make a bed of couscous, serve vegetables over the couscous and the beans over the vegetables.

Note: in the cooler months you can roast the vegetables instead. Just chop them up into nice size chunks, toss with the seasoned oil and roast for 20-30 minutes at 400 degrees Farenheit.

Enjoy!

Bugwalk: Glossary of OO terms

2006-01-23T15:25:00.000-05:00

This is a link to another OO related blog and a glossary of terms used int OO.
Bugwalk: Glossary

The 'Glitter List'

2006-01-22T23:53:00.000-05:00

I have so much freakin' food in the house right now it's not even funny. I made a big pot of soup for supper one night, a huge thing of scallop potatoes another night, and mac and cheese tonight plus we had apple pie tonight so there are leftovers of that. And I just remembered there's still nut loaf and mashed potatoes. I can't remember when there was so much plenty! Now I can't make anything with leftovers for awhile cause there's just nowhere to put it! The best part is that the scalloped potatoes and mac and cheese were both on my list of things I can eat again. Someone on the OO chat group made reference to foods that 'glitter' when she was talking about the foods that excite her; so from now on I'm going to call my list the 'glitter list.' So below is my glitter list as far as I can think right now.

Lasagna
homemade macaroni and cheese
scalloped potatoes
popcorn with lots of butter
ice cream
Hot chocolate
chocolate in general
homemade cookies
baguette with olive oil
Farmer's market 'two bite brownies'
any restaurant dessert
Indian snacks and sweets
Indian food
milkshakes
milky bubble tea
green tea slush
gourmet potato chips
cheese and crackers
nuts (especially almonds)
chocolate covered blueberries/pretzels/almonds/cherries
cheese cake
movie popcorn
cool ranch Doritos
corn chips with guacamole
Mexican seven layer dip
fried bananas
fried ice cream
full fat cheese
pie
fried tofu/noodles/rice/eggplant
veggie burger with cheese
french fries
take-out pizza
soft pretzels
cinnamon buns

Okay, that's all I've got for now.

The scale, it taunts me

2006-01-19T23:03:00.000-05:00

One of things you have to deal with when you give up dieting is that everyone that knows you is used to you 'watching what you eat.' So, for instance, when I'm at Tim Horton's with a friend and I decide to get the yoghurt berry parfait she tells my the calorie and fat content. My immediate response was to say, "I don't care, I don't want know that stuff anymore." As ridiculous as it sounds, my instinct right now when people talk about calories or fat or whatnot is to put my fingers in my ears and sing "Mary had a little lamb" to block out the information. It's really important to me that I make my choices based on what I want and not how fattening it is. The difficulty is that everyone is so well-trained. Things that I would have thought of as helpful before are the last thing I want to hear now but I can't snap at people because they're just behaving as I conditioned them to. Similarly, whenever I go to the gym I walk by those scales in the changeroom and I feel like they're calling my name, "Kriiiistin, come heeeeeere. Step on me, you know you want to." Seriously. I eye it longingly but I walk right by because I know that that's just a step backward into Im-so-fat land. And today, I threw out my Weight Watcher's points counter. That's right, thew it out never to be used again. Don't get me wrong, there was a moment, we said our goodbyes (single tear) but as long as that thing was in the house I might find myself whipping it out to calculate the 'value' of a two-bite brownie (mmmmm, I just re-discovered these) and that's just a bad thing.

On a brighter note I've been trying to find things that were inspirational or encouraging for me when it comes to accepting my body as it is. I found a great picture of Queen Latifah from 'Chicago' and made it my desktop wallpaper. I also remembered a couple cartoons from this great (very cynical, sarcastic and crass) online cartoon called Neurotically Yours. There's this great cartoon about a jiggly butt, for more you'll just have to check out the 'toon. There's also a great one (no longer on the site) where foamy the squirrel (that's right, foamy the squirrel) goes on a rant about the Atkins diet (or the Fatkins diet as he calls it). Whenever I feel like I'm too fat I watch the Jiggly Butt and it makes me laugh my ass off (pun intended) and cut that shit out. There's nothing quite like the rantings of a power hungry, angry cartoon squirrel to make you come to your senses (jiggle jiggle).

Trigger happy

2006-01-16T23:28:00.000-05:00

I don't always know what's going to trigger me. Sometimes I can sit there alone on the couch watching TV, bombarded with messages that I'm fat, I should lose weight, etc. and I'm okay. I don't want to eat or if I do I just recognize it and move on without giving in. But when I'm with people I never know when I'm going to be able resist that urge or not. I find it very difficult to stop myself if other people are indulging. I think this is the part of me that still sees eating as a form of rebellion. It's like there's this voice in my head saying (as the Cranberries might say), "Everybody else is doing it so why can't I?"

I also find myself triggered when I'm with my friend and her sister(s). They're all varying shades of slim and none of them eat a lot so when I'm with them I'm more aware of my size and when I'm eating with them I feel like it's a given that I'll eat more than everyone else. The other night I had finished my lasagna and I was fine...until her sister offered me seconds. I hadn't even thought about seconds but once the offer was made, I don't know, I just couldn't say no. Granted I took a very small piece but while I was serving myself I couldn't figure out why I was taking it. Now that I think about I'm sure that she specifically told me I could have seconds withouth ever mentioning it to my friend. So now I'm like, "what, I'm big so I must want more? I can't control myself like you?" Maybe that's why I took the seconds, I don't know. Then she put out chocolates and cookies. I was so not hungry, I was not particularly craving chocolate. But it was there, and these thin women who don't eat a lot were eating them so why shouldn't I?

But that's not even totally it. As soon as anyone is indulging I just have to indulge too. I haven't sorted out why but it's sure as hell hard to fight that.

On the bright side I've increased some of my weights on the machines at the gym so I guess I am getting stronger slowly but surely. There's a part of me that wants to know what the normal distribution is for strength and fitness for women my age but then there's a part of me that thinks that's just asking for trouble. Another means of comparison is probably the last thing I need. In any case the great thing about exercising for fitness and strength is that results are guaranteed. If you lift weights regualarly you will get stronger, period. Much better than a vague wish that you eventually lose weight. And if I'm not exercising to lose weight then my success at the gym has nothing to do with what I eat. It's pretty freakin' liberating.

Good Girl/Bad Girl

2006-01-13T01:46:00.000-05:00

One of the things that's so difficult about this whole recovery process is trying to deal with all of the messages out there about weight-loss, calories, fat content etc. It's not just all the skinny women on TV, or the ads for weight loss plans. It's the shows about "healthy" eating that all assume health is about striving for thinness and treating food as an enemy to be managed. What I've learned is the that more you focus on trying to control your eating the more it controls you. One of the common aspects for all eating disorders is a preoccupation with food and weight. I've only done one real diet and I haven't followed it for over a year but it wasn't until I started trying to 'legalize' foods that I realized exactly how many things I had been forbidding myself for the last two or three years. I had this moment where I was sitting in a restaurant reading my book on overeating and I just kept thinking of things that I could now allow myself to eat. It went something like this, "Oh my God, I can eat lasagna now, oh..and macaroni and cheese, and cheese Ritz, and..and..and homemade cookies and hot chocolate...Oh my God I can have milkshakes!"

It was a revelation and a moment of joy but also of sadness because until I got that excited I hadn't realized how deprived I had been feeling. This is equally true for thinking about foods as "good" and "bad." I hadn't realized how much I categorized foods as 'virtuous' or 'sinful.' The trick is that it's just as bad to congratulate yourself for having a 'virtuous' snack as it is to chastise yourself for the 'sinful' bowl of popcorn with butter. Being proud of yourself for eating carrots follows from the belief that you could have equally 'sinned' with another choice. At some point you start to equate what you eat with your moral worth. Think about it what do we say to ourselves: "I was really good today", "That cake is sinful", "The fruit cup is more virtuous than the cheesecake." All of these comments are so value laden and it's incredibly difficult to stop thinking this way. At this point I find that if I'm eating fruit for my midnight snack I feel virtuous for choosing a low-fat option and then I feel bad for falling into that trap. If I eat a bag of Doritos I feel proud for allowing myself to eat what I really want but I spend a lot of time rationalizing it to myself trying to convince myself that it's really okay to eat them. No matter what I eat I always run the risk of getting caught up in a lengthy internal dialogue or a more abbreviated series of self-incriminations.

All in all, I think I do have faith in this process but my faith in myself can waiver and well...
It 's just so damn hard!

Those pants don't fit my lady lumps!

2006-01-11T12:13:00.000-05:00

After staying up until 5am feeling completely alone in my recovery I decided that I should buy some clothes that make me feel good about how I look. My wardrobe has been pretty depleted for a while because with losing 85 pounds and then gaining 40 back I've tossed, bought and tossed several wardrobes in varying sizes over the last 3 years. Not being exactly flush with cash I can't just go out and buy a whole new wardrobe all at once, it has to come in bits and pieces here and there. This of course is complicated by the fact that not only do stores have limited stock in my size (if any) but my shape, regardless of my size, is not what the designers at H&M had in mind. I do not have the body of a twelve year old girl, I have hips. Big hips, 10" larger than my waist. Any pants that fit my hips usually have a huge gap at the back because their just too big for my waist. I mean, you could use that ass-gap to shoot hoops.

All this being the case, solo shopping can be a depressing and frustrating ordeal leaving me feeling fat, invisible and irrelevent. Unfortunately my usual partner in retail therapy was working so it was solo or nothing. Well let me tell you, I've found the answer. If you can't take a friend to the mall, take your headphones. I put 6 hours of music on my mp3 player and only turned it off to talk to sales people and try on shirts. It just lifts you out of the mall experience, all those skinny people with more money than I have were just in my peripheral vision, other shoppers might hear Fergie bragging about her lady lumps (God help us all) but all I can hear is Joan Jett not giving a shit about her reputation. And lo and behold, maybe it was just good luck, maybe it was the good energy of listening to my music, but I found not one but two pairs of pants that look good and fit me. That's right they fit, no gaping gap, no weird looking bulges, no belly rolls popping out of the top. Just pants that look good and feel good. All I've got to say is WOOHOO!

This is why I'm here

2006-01-10T03:35:00.000-05:00

So here I am starting a blog on my (mis)adventures in recovering from compulsive eating disorder. I've known that I had ced for more than ten years. I think the big tip off was when I went through a period where I was eating so much to fend off the depression that I was in a constant state of physical discomfort, chewing sugar-free gum in order to fool my stomach into thinking it was hungry. I once spent an entire evening sitting on my couch desperately wanting to eat the an entire cake that was in my fridge and puke it back up. I didn't do it, 'cause that's where I draw the line. Binging was one thing but purging was not an option. Purging means you officially have a pathology, constant binging and preoccupation with food is seen not as a mental health issue but as a sign of weakness, greed, gluttony. In our culture fat people are bad people with no self-control and no self-respect and no right to sit next to you on the bus. Not all fat people are compulsive overeaters and not all compulsive eaters are fat. Whether you eat the the whole cake or just think about it all night it's the obsession with food and fat that makes you a compulsive eater.

A few years ago I got fed up with my ever increasing width and joined weight watchers and let me tell you, it did wonders for my weight, I lost 85 pounds, but it really did a number on me psychologically. What most people don't realize is that ced isn't just about binging and overindulging, it's also about compulsive dieting. It's a yoyo and the more you bounce back and forth the more entrenched you become both psychologically and physically. Before I joined weight watchers I had never fully dieted. I had gone through periods of food journaling and trying to "eat better" but I'd never used an actual weight loss plan and I'd never lost weight. Once I started losing weight it was like a drug. Everyone was so impressed with me, I got so much praise. I kept lowering my goal weight because "If I can be 130, I should be 130" Even the women at weight watchers thought that was going too far but when she said "I'll just put your goal down as 140" I saw it as a challenge, "you think I can't do 130, you don't know me, I'm super dieter." And I did, I got down to 127 from a starting point of 212 and I was thrilled. But I knew that there was no way I was going to count points for the rest of my life so I thought, I'll be able to maintain without counting, I've learned enough to do that.

Slowly I crept up to 140, 150, 160, this is where I really start to panic, but it doesn't stop me from reaching 170 and just when I'd planned to rejoin Weight Watchers I also knew that I would need to tackle my compulsive eating if I was going to maintain without counting points and that's when I found an amazing book. Before I'd finished the introduction I realized that I could not overcome my overeating and diet at the same time. They're mutually exclusive because the quest to lose weight is a part of the pathology. The first step in this journey was to promise never to diet again. Okay, that was easier for me than most because I'd only dieted once before. But it wasn't until I started "legalizing" all the foods that I had forbidden myself that I realized how deeply entrenched I was in thinking about food in terms of good foods and bad foods, sin vs. virtue.

The two hardest parts of developing a healthy relationship with food are learning to accept yourself as you are and learning to see all foods as equal, no food is better or worse than another. You don't have to make up for the ice cream by eating carrot sticks. Just eat when you're hungry and eat what you want. Sounds so simple but it's hard as hell.